The Friendly Skies

I took a flight to St. Louis about a week and a half ago. I don’t fly all that much, maybe 4 times a year at the most and I really don’t enjoy it. I don’t dread it and I’m not really scared. It is just a lot of work and a hassle. I’ve only flown a hand full of time since airlines routinely started charging to check luggage. Since I see the whole affair as a hassle, I like to check my bags. I don’t like to have to drag a bunch of stuff around the airport and I really don’t like competing with everyone else on the plane for space in the overhead compartments. I just want to dump my bag off and get it when I get where I am going. Call me old fashioned, call me an elitist, and yes call me lazy.

The thing is that the new charges for checked luggage have increased the number of people dragging their entire lives around in stacked sets of small bags on wheels. They clog up everything. Heaven help you if you are in a hurry to get through the airport because you have to navigate the maze of dazed travelers dragging their lives behind them in big stacks. Their possessions are heavy enough that they move slowly and when they tire they start to zig and zag to keep going. It is annoying as hell. It used to be that OJ could use his speed and moves to navigate the airport (before he used the knife and black gloves). Now, you really need a pulling guard and tight end ahead of you to clear the slow moving baggage if you want to run. And somehow when people get to the airport they forget anything their parents taught them about walking to the left hand side so others can go the other way on the right. It becomes a slow moving, load hauling free-for-all with people wandering hither and yon at what ever slow pace they care to move. It is a nightmare.

And going to the bathroom has become a major logistical undertaking—both for those who carry on their luggage and the rest of us. The entry ways to the bathrooms are small enough that the one-man caravans who travel the airport must enter and exit single file. That means you move as slowly as the weary gypsy in front of you. Then they all have to do something with their worldly possessions while they pee and wash their hands. So the pathways through the bathroom are completely clogged with luggage on wheels. It is most frustrating, especially if you are in more of the hurry than everyone else.

The really crazy thing is that in most cases, they drag all their stuff through the airport only to check it at the gate. I just don’t understand this. It costs the airlines the same to put that damn bag on the plane as it would if passengers had the decency to just check it at the front of the terminal. It would save us all a great hassle. Of course, boarding is a nightmare too. Because people try to cram as many of their possessions into small bags that will fit in the overhead compartments, getting into your seat is slow and dangerous. Most people can’t lift what they have up into the overhead compartments and when they do they find that it won’t fit because someone else already shoved all of their worldly possessions into it. This means the rush to get onto the plane before everyone else has become that much more frantic. No longer are people so much worried about getting into their seats. Now they are worried about getting as much overhead compartment room as they can possibly take up with their carried on treasures. Sure, you are only supposed to bring on one bag and one personal item but somehow still it seems like the plane and compartments are swimming with suitcases, garment bags, souvenir bags, sweaters, hats, etc.

From now on, I am taking the bus. Surely the bus is more civilized and comfortable…and I am sure just as fast. Right? Remind me to tell you about the time I rode the bus from Knoxville to Camden.