50 miles, 4 TVs, 8 Tires, and a Loveseat

I rode 50 miles yesterday and this morning I am still recovering. At one level, it really wasn’t that bad. For most of the ride I really enjoyed it. I didn’t try to go as fast as I could (good thing) and in the end finished while keeping up a reasonable pace. I tried a route that Clembob told me about that gets me off that crazy, zombie-ridden Bluff road. It was a nice, quiet ride. Too bad I got the directions wrong several times and did lots of backtracking. Still, it was nice to be away from “urban” Columbia.

I saw some really great stuff on this ride. It went through some rural areas where there were very few houses. The first thing that struck me was the number of smashed TVs I saw in the ditch. None of this stuff, by the way, was in front of someone’s house—this is all rural dumping behavior. I saw no less than 4 giant old-school TVs with the big picture tube in the back. I guess the drop in the prices of big screen plasma TVs really hurt both the roadside environment and those old TVs. And I guess the switch to digital TV signals had the desired economy-stimulating, consumption-increasing effect—people went out and bought new TVs. And, as all good economy-stimulating, consumption-increasing policies do, it had a nasty effect on the environment…because people disposed of their obsolete TVs on the roadside.

I also saw enough parts to re-create the undercarriage of an entire car. In one spot I saw the front bumper and grill, in another a rear bumper and further along a tailpipe and muffler. I saw no less than 8 abandoned tires (most of them still looking pretty good…compared to what I’ve been running on my cars). Five of those tires were in one place, which leads me to suspect nefarious behavior.

I also say ample evidence that McDonald's and Bud Light are strong brands in rural Richland County, SC. McDonald's’ cups, bags, wrappers, and Styrofoam containers were EVERYWHERE. Oh sure, the chicken lovers had been out, too but the Chick-Fil-A and Churches garbage was by far in the minority. Bud Light was almost exclusively what I saw on the road side—tall boys, if you please. I guess by drinking light beer 16 or 20 oz at a time you maximize your alcohol intake while keeping the calories as low as you can. Plus, if you are driving you don’t want to have to keep opening cans all the time so the big one are better, plus they are harder to lose between your legs should you have to put two hands on the wheel for some reason. Who says people aren’t rational optimizers? This would all fit nicely into an Optimal Foraging model for modern, rural hunter-gatherers.

One of my favorite sights along the roadside this trip was a sleeper love seat in a nice, cool blue floral pattern. Now, had I been riding along the mean streets of Shandon or even through populated areas in the rural parts of Richland County, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see a love seat. As I’ve said before, people put just about anything in garbage heaps in front of their houses both in the city and the rural areas. This little beauty was sitting just off the road in a nice, bucolic wooded area. It created the kind of stark contrast that makes nice photographs of the really horrible things people do to the places where they live.

As I said, the new route was really great. However, there was one road (Pincushion) that gave me a bit of a problem. Its surface was really pebbly and it made for a really bumpy ride. Me and my bike got vibrated like crazy. That is fun for a few minutes, but after several miles everything started to go a bit numb…as if I was enjoying a relaxing full body massage. Even that wasn’t so bad. What really scared me was that things on the Granny Cruiser started rattling. The bike really can’t take miles and miles of vibrating—like me it’s got a few loose and jiggly parts. I got really worried that things were going to start to fly off. The last thing I wanted was for my tire to separate from the rest of me and roll into the ditch. I was a good 20 miles from home. Luckily the bike and I survived Pincushion, but I may need to think hard about whether it stays in as part of my regular ride. It is just a matter of time before something rattles off the Granny Cruiser.

I felt great through a lot of the ride. I didn’t set out to go 50 miles, although it has been my goal to do that distance for a while now. Once I realized I had the time and felt OK, I started to feel even better. Looking back, I can remember thinking how great it was going to feel to finish off 50 miles. Well, that was at about mile 25. I did feel great until about mile 32. I was heading back towards home and realized I needed to add 10 miles to the route or I wouldn’t quite make the 50. My little side junket put me into a head wind for 3 or 4 miles and that really started to hurt me. The tailwind on the return trip was welcome, but the damage had been done. The last 8 or so miles got pretty hard. My quads stared hurting—a lot. The problem was if I stopped pedaling they hurt a lot MORE. The way the route is set up, I go up a couple of unpleasant hills right before I finish. Riding up one of those last hills was really, really hard. The only thing that kept me going was the convenience store at the top and the promise of a cold bottle of water and Snicker’s bar.

My goal now is to ride a metric century—100 kilometers. That comes out to about 62 miles. I am pretty sure I could not have done another 12 miles yesterday on top of the 50 I did. That means I need more practice spending at least 2.5 to 3 hours on my bike. If I can do that, then hopefully 4+ hours will be something I can do in another 6 weeks.

Sponsorship Opportunities—--Get in on the Ground Floor

After two weeks off my bike, I finally got a chance to ride again. It felt great to ride, but I didn’t feel that great riding. I only went about 26 miles and kind of ran out of gas. Granted I left the house without a second water bottle and rode 20 miles without drinking an entire bottle…and the bottle I left behind had a sports drink with electrolytes so I really didn’t take very good care of myself for the first 20 miles. I eventually stopped and got a Gatorade, but by then it was a bit too late. I was pretty sluggish the last 6 miles and really didn’t have much gas to get up a hill near the end of the ride. I also rode from Noon to 2, which is not my normal time. I usually ride early in the morning to avoid the heat. Recently I’ve been having a hard time carving out time to get in a ride. So I had the shot today and I took it. I didn’t think it was going to be that hot and honestly it didn’t feel that hot. Still when I got home and checked the weather it said the heat index was 103. So I suppose for riding in weather hotter than I am used to, being off the bike for two weeks, and not giving my body what it needed on a hot day—I did as well as could be expected. Being stupid like I am, I deserved to bonk and throw up. Instead I got lucky and just ran out.

I’ve been working a second job the last couple of weeks and the income, plus a few things coming in from other places, has put me about 2/3 of the way to a new road bike. I am really hoping I can get it by the middle of September. The Tour de Camden is coming up in early October and I want to ride the 100 K route. From there a bunch of other rides like it crop up all through the fall and into the spring. Benny the Cheat has challenged me to do a sprint triathlon with him in the spring, so I am hopeful that I’ll be competing in a fair number of events over the next six months.

This brings me to an opportunity that I’m going to offer to you, my friends, right here and right now. I’m not offering this to everyone…yet…so you have the chance to get in on the ground floor. I am offering you a chance to sponsor me for these upcoming events. In return for you sponsorship, I can provide great exposure for you, your business or your cause. Here’s how…

1. Your name will be seen by all participants
Generally a sponsor gets to put their name on the jersey and/or bike of the team or rider being sponsored. The idea is that the rider tries to get in positions that allow spectators, other riders, and TV cameras to see the names of their sponsors. Usually that means getting to the front of the bike race and staying there. I know I can’t stay at the front of a race for very long, but I am sure I can weasel my way to the front at the start and make a mad dash right at the beginning. Again, I won’t stay out front, but there won’t be TV cameras in the races I will go to…so the other riders will be the main target for advertising. If I get out in front, then EVERYONE will have to pass me. Since most sponsors put their names on the backs of jerseys, the ENTIRE race will see your name…as they pass me…and they all will pass me because I will have spent every bit of energy to get out in front at the start—huge advertising boost for you.

2. Your name will be seen by all spectators
My strategy of fast starts with a protracted drop back will nab the attention of race participants, but I’ve got an equally clever strategy for reaching the spectators. The key with advertising is being able to reach potential customers. When that advertising is on the jersey of a cyclist, the key is giving people the chance to see it. Here is where I can help you in ways that faster cyclists can’t. Remember in Fahrenheit 451 the cars went so fast that the billboards needed to be really long so drivers could read them? Well, I don’t ride that fast. My slow pace will give the spectators plenty of time to read my jersey. Also, in all likelihood I will be coming in near the very end of the race and will look exhausted and two steps from death. Word will spread quickly about how bad I look as I come into the finish. Like any good car accident or train wreck, people’s attention will turn to me. You just can’t buy that kind of attention for an advertiser…well, I guess I am asking you to buy it.

3. You will generate good will, and therefore attention
You will generate good will through pathos, which of course is the same root from which comes the word pathetic. I will be pathetic and you will be allowing me to get out in the world of sports and participate, as well as improve my health. It is sort of like sponsoring an orphan or adopting an old racing greyhound. People will be positively predisposed to you because they know you have done something good with no real return to you—you sponsored me. And, since I will be seen by both the participants and the spectators you’ll reach both sets of potential customers.


Really, friends the possibilities are limitless. You can see the good will, charitable donations, and customers just rolling in from just your modest sponsorship of me. How proud would Clan McKinnon be to have the family tartan emblazoned onto my cycling jersey? AGA-LLC could stop funding the purchase of Chinese death bikes and get some real advertising bang with a map of magnetic anomalies across my chest. And the donations would simply roll in to Texas State University’s Center for the Arts and Symbolism of Ancient America if its logo adorned the small of my back.

Sponsorship could be a tax-deductible donation or an advertising write-off. Get in on the ground floor before I really take off. Space is limited, so hurry!

Fat Suit

So I weighed myself today and the scale read 179.6! Honestly, I haven’t been weighing myself much recently because I had switched my focus from losing weight to going for longer rides on my bike. As of today, it has been 10 days since I rode my bike…I’m itching to go. The problem is that I’ve recently started another adventure and it has slowed my bike riding. It has kept me from the bike because it takes time, but more significantly it has killed me physically. The Achilles tendon that hurt so much the time I went for a run is hurting again, but generally my legs are sore and my entire body is tired. It is this new thing that is also driving the new weight loss. Because it is pretty demanding, at least for someone my age, it also is helping me with my fitness and, more importantly for my bike riding, my endurance. I’ll go on a ride tomorrow morning, after a bit more rest, and see how it feels. But once I get used to my new thing, it is really going to complement my bike conditioning.

The few pounds I’ve lost in the last couple of weeks brings my total to 27 lbs—I am getting closer to my original goal of 30 lbs. Losing those pounds comes with lots of benefits, most importantly improving my current and future health. Now I should live longer and be healthier. That is good because I still have almost a decade until my oldest starts college and 15 years until my youngest is done. I have a lot of earning to do and I can’t be slowed down my bad health.

There is, however, a downside to losing weight—my clothes don’t fit me anymore. Oh, I hear you…you’re saying. “Boohoo, poor guy lost enough weight that his clothes don’t fit.” I know you are thinking this is just another not so thinly veiled attempt to brag on myself for losing the weight. That is true (This is MY blog after all, so it IS all about me), but there is more to it…hear me out.

Mark Twain is famously quoted as saying “Clothes make the man. Naked people have no influence in society.” Twain’s bit of social commentary is as topical today as it was a century and a half ago. Right now, however, I am thinking about it not so much in the sense of class, consumption, and material display, but more in terms of how clothes affect what people see.

I still wear the clothes I have…the ones that are now too big for me…well, because it is what I’ve got. I am not a big shopper and have never been overly concerned about my appearance (as anyone who sees me on a daily basis can attest), so running out to go clothes shopping just hasn’t bubbled to the top of my horizontal to do list. Plus, I have other economic fish to fry. If I am going to spend money, it is going to be on a new road bike and the gear to go with it. I’m ready to make that commitment to biking and ready to ride using proper equipment. As Clembob told me, “You’re doing the right things; you are just going about it all wrong.” Clothes aren’t really on my radar.

My wife has told me 100 times over the past couple of months that my clothes are too big. Still, it wasn’t until I had taken my shirt off to get ready for a shower that she realized how much my body has changed. So, the age old question applies here…”Do these clothes make me look fat?” They are clothes that fit me as a fat person. I am still that person; there is just less of me. Still, if you look at me in my regular (albeit ill-fitting) clothes, do you still see the guy that was overweight? Are my clothes serving as a fat suit? If I got new clothes that fit my body properly, would it be more obvious that I have lost weight? Would you see me differently…respect me more…be more likely to listen to what I have to say…idolize me more?

It is an interesting question and would make for an interesting social experiment. I should go buy new clothes that fit and see if people react differently to me. Unfortunately, I want a new road bike more than I want new clothes so I won’t be testing this idea out any time soon.

The Power of Fear

Fears is a great motivator and its close friend adrenaline is a hell of a pace setter. A few days ago I rode 34 miles and ended up riding at a higher sustained pace than I’ve ever ridden at before. I didn’t go out like superman this time. I went out at what felt like a reasonable pace intent on just having a nice ride. Fear drove the pace and adrenaline allowed me to keep it up.

Now fear comes in a couple of different flavors. Each flavor is as tasty as the others and as powerful a motivating force.

1. Fear of Failure

We all have people who have encouraged us and helped us work harder and achieve more. Even though they aren’t watching anymore, you still don’t want to let them down. Quitting becomes too easy once you’ve done it once…and it feels pretty awful to bail out on something that you decided you were going to do. That kind of thing is a pretty strong motivator. When I’m struggling I hear lots of different voices. I can hear my Dad yelling from the side of the track, “Heel-toe, Adam…heel-toe.” I can hear my brother and other track teammates yelling “Kick it in, Adam, kick it in!” Then there is the voice of my high school football coach telling me, “King, you’ve got two chances of starting on Friday night—slim and none…and slim just left town!” And there is the voice of Coach Gigi (who coached the practice squad of which I was the star running back, aka fresh meat for the starting defense) yelling, “Suck it up Kinger!” after watching me get creamed for the 110^th time that practice.

Really, those people don’t know you are struggling to finish 30 miles on your converted granny bike. It doesn’t matter because they are just you. Fear of failure is really about letting yourself down. If you are like me, you are your own biggest motivator and the one most likely to be let down. So coach, even if Slim did leave town I’m going to finish what I started.

2. Fear of Embarrassment

This is about personal pride, too, but in a slightly different way. That is because your failure is there for others to see. That kind of fear is really good for short bursts of energy and effort. When the granny with two dogs tied to her waist came jogging along, there was no way I was going to let her run past me while I was running. Hell no! I am half her age and I don’t have dogs tied to me. I cannot let her pass. The same goes for the 70-year old guy riding an adult tricycle complete with filled basket, florescent orange flag flapping on a fiberglass pole, and chunky old-school headphones—no way are you passing me on my bike, old man!

3. Fear of Death

This one is great for both short bursts of energy and sustained efforts. The day the pit bull on my Bluff Road route wasn’t tied up I found energy for a massive sprint effort. Oh sure, he pulled right up along side of me, but I kicked harder and he fell back to my back wheel. He kept pace for a good 400 meters, but I finally dusted him…or his yard ended and he left me alone. I prefer to think I out ran him.

That same route was the source of another kind of death threat—this time from vehicular traffic. I had ridden the route a couple of times before, usually early in the morning on a weekend. This time I went out at 6am on a weekday. This is a two lane road with no shoulder that leads to nowhere. The traffic was nuts. But I wasn’t hugging the white line to stay away from your run-of-the-mill compact cars. In the mornings Bluff Road turns into something that is a cross between a monster truck rally and a death race…and it is run by mutant zombies with no awareness of anything else on the road other than the path forward. The breeze created as a car goes by can give you a nice little push, and it can be refreshing too. The breeze created as a truck’s rearview mirror almost grazes your ear is terrifying…and it gives you a rush…of adrenaline…as the primal flight instinct kicks in. The problem with Bluff Road is that the flight instinct and accompanying adrenaline rush recur about every 20 seconds. It makes for a high-paced ride.

Fear is so useful a training tool that I have decided to include it in all my training from now on. Either I will ride around the mean streets of Shandon early in the morning looking for septuagenarians who look like they could give me a run for my money or I’ll only ride on Bluff Road in the midst of the mutant zombie monster truck death race. If those methods get old, I’ll find a route with lots of loose dogs and I’ll tie pigs’ feet to my ankles. Before I know it I’ll have thighs as big as Beyonce (that sounds like it was intended to be mean, but really she is much taller than I am and spends a lot of time working out, so she has very muscular thighs. Really, that’s what Perez Hilton says.) and be able to keep up Clembob and his ilk of semi-pro cyclists.