The Fat Archaeologist

Welcome! Let me start by confessing that the name I’m taking on and the ideas behind this blog are not mine. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am great at following good ideas, but a little slower at coming up with my own good ideas. The name and idea behind this blog are stolen openly and directly from the Fat Cyclist. He’s a guy that writes a blog about his life and cycling. He started the blog as a public way to force himself to lose weight. His wife recently died from breast cancer and for a long time he has raised awareness and money for cancer research. You should go check him out. He’s funny, thoughtful and real.

Back to my reasons for starting this blog—Fatty (the fat cyclist) and I have some things in common. They’re really pretty superficial. Fortunately for me, cancer is not one of them—well at least not my wife, but that is another story I am not ready to talk about. My wife and a few other friends also know that over the past 5 years I’ve become slightly obsessed with professional road cycling. I’ll be the first to admit that it was Lance’s 6^th Tour de France that started me and his swan song that really hooked me. At first I just followed le Tour but after Lance retired, I started to follow the professional peleton throughout the season. I was really excited to see Lance come back, but love following a group of other favorites. The funny thing is that I’ve always followed sports—and played them when I wasn’t fat—but I only realized recently that the reason I love sports is because of the individuals and their experiences. That is how I can get sucked into professional football (I played in high school—remind me to tell you the male model story and my coach’s assessment of my odds of starting the next game), figure skating (my wife and daughter both figure skate), and beach volleyball (really only when the summer Olympics come around), etc.

My wife has wondered aloud many times over the past several years, “If you like cycling so much, why don’t you ride your bike?” She bought me a bike, oh about 10 years ago—a really nice mountain bike—and I’ve ridden it just a few times. She has a really good point and I’ve got…some really good excuses that I outline below.

Now the Fat Cyclist really isn’t fat anymore and by our country’s standards never really was. For that matter, I am not really considered fat. However, I weigh a lot more than I should and it is very clear that belly fat like I have is not healthy to carry around in the long term--especially for the over 40 crowd that I belong to. I have two little kids (5 and 8) who are going to need me around (earning money) for a long time. When my oldest goes off to college I’ll be long past eligibility for AARP.

So, I need to lose weight. I used to be pretty skinny. In fact, just a couple of years ago I was much better off than I am now. I also used to be pretty active. Graduate school and a career killed off most of my hobbies—or at least that is how I justify my sedentary existence. Right now, my favorite hobby might be eating and my most consistent form of exercise is walking from my office to my classrooms. I am thinking that the same kind of public humiliation that worked for Fatty may be my best hope as well. Not only would I like to lose weight, but I’d also like to get more into road cycling and mountain biking. Now you see how the Fat Cyclist is an inspiration.
Since there is already a Fat Cyclist and I am not really a cyclist, I had to come up with a different name for myself and the blog. I am an archaeologist. Despite how movies and TV depict archaeologists, most of us spend the majority of our time writing and teaching instead of buckling swashes. Its mostly the younger ones that do a lot of actual digging. In fact, it may be over a year since I did any digging myself. I don’t work anywhere exotic or particularly dangerous. I study the Native American past in the southeastern US. Sure, rural anywhere can have its dangers but the only Nazis, fascists, or angry Indians I’ve encountered have been on college campuses or the halls of government offices. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool job and I get to do some really fun things but it causes me to be pretty sedentary most of the year.

So the reason for the blog is to put myself in the eye of the disinterested public. Just as Fatty did, I want to get myself in better physical condition. And secondarily for putting more time in on a bike and maybe someday thinking of myself as a cyclist. Right after the New Year I, like lots of other optimistic fools, resolved to change my diet and get more exercise. So far, roughly two weeks in, I’ve done OK on the diet and pretty crappy on the exercise. For the first couple of days I did ride my bike around my neighborhood. Once the semester started, I stopped. Here are my reasons:

I’m busy

Archaeologists are vitally important to our modern world and I recognize the responsibility I owe to the rest of the world. I am simply too busy designing syllabi, pawing broken pottery, and thinking about ways to get and spend grant money. If I took time away from that, what would happen to our society, to life as we know it? I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but what I do is simply too important to slow it down. Its tough to bear the weight of the world and find time to ride and eat sensibly.

Its cold outside

I live in South Carolina. Do I really have to say anything more? Everyone knows that South Carolina winters are long and brutally cold. I’m tough and I have no choice but to acclimatize, but still…its cold and uncomfortable. I don’t have winter gear to protect against the cold and I don’t have rollers or a stationary bike like the big boys use. As I said, I’m tough but I am not superman. Look, even Alberto Contador has had trouble training in southern Spain because its too cold. Sure, George Hincapie lives in Greenville, SC where it has actually snowed this year and he’s been riding all winter long. I never said I was as tough as George. I guess I am made more in the mold of the more delicate el pistolero!

It hurts

I found that riding my bike gets hard pretty fast. There are hills around my house. Riding down is not too bad, but the thing with hills is that you eventually have to go back up them. That is hard. I find that my legs first burn and then stop moving. I suppose I should get my bike tuned up. Its probably got something to do with the “big ring” or the derailleur or something cycling techie like that. Maybe I just need a better, more expensive bike. Anyway, the hurting and the legs not working really gets discouraging and I think the mental strain of the discouragement really tires me out. When I do get off the bike after a wicked 10 minute ride around the subdivision, I’m totally drained. Maybe I need a feed zone for those long rides. Maybe I’m experiencing the bonk.

Anyway, if I an am to overcome these hurdles I need to buckle down, redouble my efforts, own my journey, and pull myself up by my bootstraps. Since none of those things usually work, I am turning to a fresh, hot helping of humble pie served very publicly.

Here is what I am going to do. I am going to weigh myself every morning and talk about what I am doing to get healthy and on the bike. I am also going to schedule a doctor’s appointment where I will get a head-to-toe physical. I haven’t had one of these dignity stealing exams in quite some time. I’ll post pictures and also tell some stories along the way.

As I write this the Tour Down Under has just started. My goal is to lose 30 pounds and be comfortable with long bike rides by the time Lance goes for number 8. Please help me by encouraging, goading, or humiliating me.