Weight Loss by Flowbee

Today I weighed in at 203.4. After pouring over the data from the last week, I’ve concluded that I weigh 203 lbs. My body likes that weight right now and is not really interested in make a big change. I am a bit disappointed because I really thought I was going to drop a pound or two. You see, I got my hair cut last night. It’s been pretty long time between haircuts and I got some hair cut off. I was really hoping it would make a morale-boosting difference. Despite the absence of any noticeable change in my weight, the haircut itself is worth talking about.

I have a complicated relationship with haircuts. We’ll it’s really not that complicated. I don’t like getting my hair cut. I like looking good after I get my haircut, so I have nothing against haircuts per se. What I don’t like is the process of getting my hair cut. I never have. It may go back to when my mom cut my hair and my brother’s hair…and come to think of it my father’s hair. It wasn’t a happy experience for any of us. I can see now why it was a hard and sometimes frustrating thing. My brother and I were little boys. Now that I have one I understand that little boys can’t sit still and don’t like personal grooming, hygiene or even clothing all that much. After doing it a few times I am sure my mom dreaded it as much as we did. If you so much as moved a muscle you were made aware that your connection to your ear was tenuous.

While that may have something to do with why I don’t like haircuts, I think the main reason is social. Honestly, the whole haircut thing makes me uncomfortable. You invite a stranger to wash your head, cut your hair, and then groom you. It’s just weird. I am not thrilled with strangers pawing me. That is the sort of thing I like to leave to the people I know really well. The thing is that having your scalp massaged and your hair tussled feels good, making the whole experience even weirder. Is it OK for a stranger to make you feel good? I’m really conflicted about that.

Just knowing that this stranger is going to mash all over you sets the tone for your relationship with your stylist. My stylist relationships generally only last one haircut. This is because I get my hair cut infrequently enough and shift places enough that I rarely ever see the same person twice. Even when I do see the same person, it’s been so long since they cut my hair last that they might as well be a total stranger.

Without some personal connection to your stylist, the entire experience is awkward. I don’t, by the way, go to barber shops. I did when I was in college, but it’s just not the experience I want. They are too personal. I want this to be as impersonal and fast as possible. I am not much of a small talker to begin with and just shy enough that politely chatting with strangers is an effort. I am not a southerner and so I never really learned the skills required to interact socially with strangers. For those of you who know me, that probably explains a lot.

So last night I had a different kind of haircut experience: The Flowbee. You know…that thing that hooks up to your vacuum and cuts your hair as it sucks it into a flexible hose. You’ve seen it on TV and it can be yours for four easy payments of $19.99. I’ve let my hair grow way too long and to say it was unflattering is to understate how bad I looked with that hair. My friend, who I will call Kyle (not his real name), owns one of these fine machines and has been cutting his own hair for, as far as I can reconstruct, years. His hair looks fine. You wouldn’t know that he cuts it with a late-night TV gadget. He keeps a job, has a fine family and lots of friends. The thing seems to really work. And, it’s given him relief from both the expense and social complications of mainstream, public haircut options.

(Note the intense concentration on Kyle's face and my nervous laughing. Also, nice product placement, huh?)

Honestly, I was a bit unsure about someone using this contraption on me. It wasn’t a bad experience at all. Sure there was still the whole head massage thing. I am comfortable enough with Kyle, though, that it seems OK for him to make my scalp feel good. And it was fun for the kids. Several of them tried it. Here’s the amazing thing…my hair doesn’t look too bad. Sure, it still needs a bit of trimming around the edges and there’s one wicked cowlick that needs to be tamed. The problem with getting my hair cut is that now I feel obligated to pay attention to the rest of my appearance. I almost shaved today. I wonder how much weight I’d lose if I did?

I didn’t get a chance to take a bike ride or walk today, but I did discover another really tough work out. You are going to laugh, but I bounced on the trampoline with my kids today for about 45 minutes. It about killed me. My legs are like lead, my stomach muscles hurt, my lungs just now stopped burning…plus I worked up a sweat…and fulfilled my parental obligation to engage my children. My daughter told me today that she would rather I went to work instead of working at home because I spend too much time on the computer. Those words plus a sincere pout kept me from writing this blog doing my work all afternoon.