From Fat to Phat

I found that overnight my wife redid my blog. Not only did she change the picture (a very cool picture of a bike), but she changed my name from the Fat Archaeologist to the Phat Archaeologist. For those rare few who actually have read my blog from the beginning, you’ll already know that I adopted the name Fat Archaeologist following a really great blog by the Fat Cyclist. The Fat Cyclist used the name and the blog to motivate himself to lose weight. I stole the name and idea and adapted it to me—an archaeologist. My motivation was the same, to lose weight, but also to do the work to get into good enough shape to do some serious cycling. I started out weighing 206 lbs and falling well into the obese category based on my body mass index (BMI). After some successful dieting and a good start on an exercise regimen, I am down to about 184 lbs. My longest bike ride to date has been about 80 minutes. So I am making good progress on my original goals.

My wife has decided that I am not fat anymore (never mind that my BMI still falls in the overweight category) and has dubbed me the Phat Archaeologist. She never really liked the idea that I called myself fat. I guess a lot of my friends and family didn’t like such a public admission of my shortcomings using such an unflattering and graphic word. I saw it and still see it as funny. I don’t really see myself as fat and never did. Calling myself fat was a good way to motivate me to change. It’s worked pretty well. I still have some more weight that I want to lose, but I’ll graciously accept my wife’s compliment and nod to my hard work. And, with that name, as usual, she has hit it perfectly. Phat has the perfect smell to it.

Urban lore has it that phat is an acronym (or blackronym because it apparently derives from the urban African American experience) that stands for Pretty Hot and Tempting. Most experts agree that the acronym came later. According to Wiktionary (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/phat), the word phat is an adjective that means excellent, sexy, and (with regard to music) rich in texture, prominent. While I am undeniably excellent, sexy and rich in texture (and also pretty hot and tempting), the real clincher is in the nuances of the meaning of phat. For those nuances, I looked up phat in the online version of the Urban Dictionary (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=phat). Keep in mind that on this website people post their own take on the meaning of slang terms. You can tell by the names of those who post (as well as their control of grammar) that they are pretty plugged-in people with a firm grasp on current popular culture. On April 14, 2005 Blabh described phat as “A word used by white suburban kids who think they are gangster to describe something ‘cool’/stupid.” Maybe more directly, Doobie Smokes You (December 14, 2004) put it this way: “The problem with ‘phat’ is that it is no longer in really. It has kind of phased out and is mostly used by wannabes, lowerclassmen in high school, or middle schoolers. It is now considered a slang faux pas. I wouldn't use it if I was you.”

These comments alone should discourage me from identifying with phat. This becomes even clearer when you realize that they were posted about five years ago. So FIVE YEARS ago phat was already out of style. Now it is used only by out-of-step posers, really uncool white folks, and people who want to sound out-of-step. It is in this latter category that I fall. I like to laugh at myself and find humor in drawing contrasts like a white, 44-year-old, father-of-two using completely inappropriate and out of date gansta terms like phat. So phat fits me pretty well. I AM the phat archaeologist—fa shizzle, yo?