My Precious

One smart phone to rule them all,

One smart phone to find them,

One smart phone to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

I left my house this morning to head in to my office to hold office hours as I do (or am supposed to do every Monday and Wednesday). At the first four-way stop—one block from my house—my mind wandered to my precious…and I was gripped with anxiety as I realized I didn’t know where it was! Had I left it at home? How could I do that? How could I make it through office hours and Indian Cultures of North America without it? I considered turning around and heading home to get it. I was conflicted. Part of me really wanted it and couldn’t face even a few hours without it. Yet another part recognized that I was being ridiculous and that of course I could live without it. Before this internal conflict caused me to run the next four-way I realized (with great relief) that I had put my phone in my briefcase. My precious had been with me the entire time and my anxiety was all for naught.

Seriously, I have a problem. My daughter calls me “Phone Boy,” as in “stop looking at your email on the trampoline, Phone Boy,” or “put down your phone and skate before you knock someone down, Phone Boy,” or “don’t drop your precious in the toilet, Phone Boy.” My son wants me to sit on the couch with him and watch Charlie Brown right now. Do you know how he’s trying to get me there? He stole my phone and is sitting on it. My phone has traveled every mile I've ever ridden on my bike. and I won't ride without it. I use my phone as an alarm clock and set it each night before bed and awake to it each morning. It rests on the night stand or sometimes I put it under my pillow so my alarm doesn’t wake anyone else. My daughter has taken my old IPhone and now keeps it by her bed and sometimes sticks it under her pillow. I’ve transmitted my sickness to my kids. (In a hoarse, whispered voice) The horror, the horror…

It is only a matter of time until some dark person with a dark purpose turns my precious upon my sick, broken mind. One day I’ll find myself an enslaved minion. I'll find myself wasting ridiculous amounts of money to keep it near me, ignoring the real world to bathe in its glorious glow, eschewing human contact to keep it's precious attention...gads I'm already there...in the land of Apple where the Shadows lie.